a (not so cliche) heart of thankfulness.

hi friends! first off, let's talk. 

if i am being honest, as thanksgiving approached, i could not help but be reminded of how much has been taken away from me. how much of a debby downer am i? over the past 6 months, i have had close friendships taken out of my life without my control, time taken out of my hands because of my crazy-busy schedule & school work, family situations, and a multitude of other occurrences that make you want to cry and scream all at the same time. (too much information, you say? should i go back to making jokes and talking about cats? whoops, too late.) . then i thought about it-- those are really big things. while they still hurt and, man oh man, band aids don't fix bullet holes (pardon my taylor swift reference-- the album has only been on replay for the past 3 weeks) , all this has been repressing me from reflecting on all that has been given to me. i am continually being reminded of the fact that sometime it is truly the little things that matter the most. 

i think of the seven hour turned into eleven hour road trip my mom and i took a few weekends ago where we got lost and listened to way too many episodes of Gilmore Girls. i think of that random cupcake that was given to me by someone i barely knew. i think of that text from a friend containing cat photos and sarcastic remarks. i think of the fact that my mom brought home calligraphy nibs the other day because she remembered how i had complained last week that my old ones were not working well. i think of those hugs from friends way too early in the morning that i say i don't like but secretly really need (also, did you know you need 4 hugs a day to be healthy, 8 to maintain your health, and 12 to grow. who woulda thunk it.) . i think of the smart water sitting beside me on my desk that makes me feel oh so fancy. i think of the family dinner conversations this past week focused on anything and everything from college to baby tigers that all lead up to the grand finale of us having too much pie/cake/candy. i think of visiting my brother's church and seeing a bunch of college kids worshiping Jesus when that is the farthest thing from cool for them. i think of the cold days that have come (and are coming) that allow me to wear my super-cute new coat. i think of the last Sunday where i laid in bed and listened to Ben Howard for too many hours than i want to admit. i think of the miracle it is that i did my pre-calculus homework tonight and did not cry. i think of that really, really, really good chai tea latte from a few days ago. i think of the spontaneous decision to dye my hair again (you know, one shade darker. i'm so crazy).  i think of the crazy amount of endless moments that i will nostalgic for that just occurred in the past few weeks.

and if i am being honest, i think of how ungrateful i truly am. i think about all things i need to improve on. i think about my amazing amount of faults i encompass. i think about how easily i get jealous and that i am sarcastic too much. i think about how i let my bad day become someone else's bad day. and i think about how terrible that is. overall, i think about how much of a messed up person i am.

i write this because i dislike when writers only ever write the picture perfect, pretty details of life. because, life is not always pretty. and if it was, would anything really be pretty at all? random thought. i hope you know that i am just a normal person with struggles and failures and many a break-down nights. i am learning that it is okay to have problems in life-- i mean, that's life, for pete sake! when i think about my fair share, i tend to become overwhelmed. and that overwhelming spirit is where i have a choice. i have a choice to let my temporary, worldly issues have a claim on my life or be reminded that i am in the hands of a loving and gentle God. when i realize that i do not have to be in control of my life and have an ultimate plan, i can breathe again. i have learned to love my faults because it only points ever so clearly how unbelievable it is that a such a perfect God can love such an imperfect person unconditionally. i adore that my mistakes contrast with my Lord's awesomeness. it doubtlessly leaves me in awe thinking about the continual provision and gifts i have been blessed with. i am so unworthy, yet Christ gives and gives and gives.

all year i have been continually reminded of a verse (job 1:21) stating that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. i am so thankful for what the Lord gives me that i do not deserve. the fact that i do not have to fret about having basic needs of food, water, and shelter is such a blessing. the truth that i have such an involved, kind family is one of the best gifts i could ever be given. and the moments where i get an A in an advanced class are just icing on the cake. however, a moment of maturity and growth comes when you learn to be authentically thankful for how the Lord takes away. i am beyond grateful for the unpleasant, cry-worthy experiences that i have been apart of because it shows that my full dependence should only come from Christ. thankfulness overflows when a perfectly-planned down to the second day is all messed up and does not go the way you want it to, because it demonstrates that the clock should not have my full attention, and to let loose a bit. i am overwhelmed by the truth that i struggle and fall often, since it calls attention the beautiful action of Christ bearing physical and emotional pain of my place on the cross. the ending of the verse in Job is "blessed be the name of the Lord". and to that i say, TRUE DAT. i mean, amen.

so, i am beyond thankful for my life and all the things that make it so. funny how a post can go from being so ungrateful to this, right? who said the blogging process can't be a prayer or therapeutic experience?

so, enjoy some photos from my thanksgiving day! there is so much to be thankful for. my heart overflows.

[our table-- complete with fall blooms, mixed china, and hungry stomachs.]
[grandmother's name// i took leaves and gold foiled them, then wrote (sloppily) the names of the fam for place cards. grandparents loved 'em-- bonas points for me, yet?]
[ahhh, family laughing and enjoying each other's company. or was this just mom telling everyone to get out of the kitchen so she could finish making dinner?]

[ graham being my model as i test out the camera for a... special... project. more on that soon. ]

to those of you who read my rambles, thank you. you are appreciated. lots of love sending your way. and just a reminder (to you and to me), that the big problems of life seem so much less significant in relation to the tiny, consistent moments that make you realize that life is good. more than good-- life is lovely.

yours truly,


simple saturday.

i like to think that i have an interesting style. i truly dislike being identical as every other girl, and there's no lie that that standard of mine carries on into my dress. don't get me wrong, i am still a lover of neutrals and probably wear gray and black 90% of the time, but just jeans and a t-shirt do not normally cut it for me. i love layers. i love accessorizing. i love personalizing an outfit. the struggle with this mindset though is the occasional want for simplicity. today i woke up and had two thoughts in mind (who am i kidding, i had about a thousand thoughts but these made the top of the list). one, i really wanted to wear the new top i bought yesterday. if you are a girl and do not feel the burning desire to wear what you bought immediately, you are lying. you just are. and two, i was tired of wearing my classic jeans and sweater combo. so, i put this little number together. i am forever a lover of the shorts and tights trend, if you are wondering. i even overheard the shop girls at a store comment on it-- these are the kind of confidence boosts i sometimes need on lazy saturdays when your hair is resembling a bird's nest. give someone that confidence boost today. 

[ comin' atchu live wid that model face. jk, it's my ten cars have come down my street in the past minute and i am trying to look like just a normal girl having a photo shoot with her brother face. ]
[ all time favorite shoes. // anthro. ]
[ crooked smile, squinty eyes. ]

happy weekend, friends! may you enjoy leftover turkey and pumpkin pie and take too many naps. that's my agenda, at least.

yours truly,


in the ideal world.

in the ideal world, i would write funny bits and pieces of my everyday life and make every situation seem really witty and interesting. (news flash: its not). i had imagined myself sitting down in a picture-perfect setting (you know, the candles, the music, the chai tea, the sound of your neighbor mowing their lawn. oh the ambiance.) writing the night away. then i realized two things. one, i really love sleeping. and two, what you love to do normally wins. however, i also really realized that i was not always not writing. i realized i constantly write in my head (then the smart one reading this will state that those are just thoughts, you idiot). even as i am in the midst of a situation, i think about how i will tell the story. sometimes life seems much more poetic when thought of in this manner.

in the ideal world, i would write full page essays about each all the happenings as of late. but, i do not have a lot of time right now because i am listening to a really good song and it's about to turn into a dance party up in here. and also, not even my mother would read essays about all the thoughts i have on a daily basis.

in the ideal world, these following statements would be headlines that all the essays and chapters of my future memoir will have the honor of beholding:


i have decided that my writing style as typography goes resembles a lot of e.e.cummings' poems. all lowercase, an excessive about of parentheses, you know-- deep crap like that.

 i watched the movie, begin again, yesterday and honestly did a small squeal of excitement throughout the entire movie, gushing on keira knightly's outfits and the whole concept of the movie, honestly.  OH, and the music! go to spotify right now and have it be the sound track you listen to as you read this.

 i realized that watching gilmore girls is even better the second time. and in chunks. seven-episode chunks, especially.

 i am reading amy poehler's new book, yes please, and am really enjoying myself. i also cannot remember the last time i read a book for fun. (4-5 years? kindergarten?)

 i have felt an overwhelming sense of thankfulness thinking about how lucky i am to have such a loving, kind family. not in a cheesy, life is perfect way, but in a wow life is so unpredictable yet beautiful way.

i have been wearing a lot of dresses lately. because, heck, everything is better in a dress. 

 i have realized that i really like to sing in the car. and also realized that my younger brother (graham) seems turns up the music as i start to sing. wow, what a coincidence!

 i rarely feel put together if my room is not clean. oh hey, my room is a mess. 

i am really bad at calligraphy and quite surprised at how hard it is. help a sista out, anyone?

i am surprisingly okay-kinda-freaking-awesome at public speaking. like, perfect score on my final formal speech good. i don't brag about a lot of things, but MAN, you got to give me snaps for this one. (notice i said snaps, not claps. i have this wonderful and insane dream of performing a poem at a poetry slam and once i am finished, the crowd puts down their double chai tea decaf latte no cream and gives me a standing ovation as they snap their little fingers away.)

i like a straight forward hello and goodbye. not any of that mysterious and vague texts with off-subject remarks. what's wrong with a simple "hello"? (maybe the creepy old man vibe you get when reading that word? okay, i see.)

art sometimes makes me cry. but chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven often make me cry too, so i don't know if that says a lot.

i realized my true laugh is both hideous and annoying and that just makes me laugh even more. 

and lastly, i think social media could be best and worst thing to happen to society. i don't know, just a thought.


in the ideal world, i would continue writing for hours, but what's that i smell? cookies in the oven? a dance party of one waiting to happen? got to go cry and laugh and consume too much chocolate and dance all at once. the heart wants what the heart wants, as they say. 

also, who is this "they" everyone refers to when trying to crack a joke? 

yours truly,